Nichole Ellison

We can not express how awesome you really are!! Vik and I loved the pre ceremony [mini-rehearsal] and got some great laughs and you comforted us when we could have been nervous. We shared and still laugh with all your funny remarks. There were so so many compliments for you from our guests, they said you did an unbelievable job!!! Which we also agree. We can not thank you enough and you will always be very special to us. We would love to know when your sons get married, we can help them find some decor!! Thank you from Vik, he smiled when I read the email. He said you are such a cool guy my parents also really enjoyed having you.”

Love, Angie and Vik Chadha

This note came to me from Michael Attaway and his recent Bride, Leslie. Michael is a professional trumpet player in the Dallas area and also teaches trumpet at several high schools. Leslie is an administrator in a large corporation but, in my opinion, she should really be a professional money manager because she is so incredibly good at it. Together, they have a successful career working with a multi-level marketing company. I predict huge success for them in life and marriage.

Two days after the wedding, I found a warm and encouraging voice mail from Beth’s Mom, expressing her appreciation for the wedding. Mark then sent his enthusiastic email of thanks. Then today I received Beth’s thank you note, which provided a tremendous lift to my spirits, even on a day that had been tremendously uplifting to begin with. The note went like this:

“Craig, I can’t begin to thank you enough for the absolutely beautiful service you did at our wedding! Mark and I were so overwhelmed at your ability to capture exactly what we wanted our promises to each other [to] entail. So many times at wedding ceremonies, the words and the vows get overlooked & everyone just remembers the party. : ) Our wedding ceremony was thoughtful and lovely and we will remember those promises forever because of you.

“We had many people come up to us and say, ‘we felt like we were renewing our own vows!’ Several people said it was the most beautiful ceremony they had ever been to because of your words, inflection, humor, sentiment, and heart. Thank you so much, Craig. We will remember you always!”

All I can say is thank you, Mark and Beth! You were a delight to work with!

On a personal note, my focus professionally is “to create a spectacular moment in time for brides and grooms.” It is especially gratifying to sense inwardly when I have achieved that, by God’s grace, but even more satisfying to receive recognition from spectacular brides and grooms like Beth and Mark.      

In our initial meeting, brides generally want to know how I started performing weddings. I tell them that a friend had more wedding inquiries than he could handle and he asked me to help him out, which I did. They may want to know if I am a non-denominational minister (which I am), what my qualifications are (a seminary degree and my many years of ministry experience, off and on), and my church affiliation (grew up Presbyterian, trusted Christ in Baptist setting, and was trained at non-denominational graduate school).

Recently, I had a future groom ask, “Can you prove you are qualified to perform my wedding? I don’t want any complications later on.” I told him: ”I never have been asked that one but I have a bona fide degree from an accredited seminary (if you want to see it, you can). I have performed hundreds of ceremonies since 1999 and government officials from 15-20 Texas counties have processed the legal forms that have had my signature on them. I also know 2200 people and their kiddos who are in bad trouble if I am not.”  . . . He may have been asking if I received a piece of paper over the Internet.

On religious questions, I have been asked if I am a “saved” minister. I answer, yes, and that I’m always glad to be asked. I have been asked if I can serve communion to the couple and the answer is “yes.” Sometimes I am asked to do other kinds of readings, to which I respond, “It depends.” On occasion I am asked to do readings, which do not square with my conscience or beliefs, so I ask that they have a friend or family member take care of that particular detail. This takes care of their needs and mine.

Perhaps, the most serious question I have been asked has to do with performing weddings for people of different faiths. This would require a several blogs to touch on all the implications of various circumstances but, usually, what people really want to know is whether or not I perform Catholic-Protestant weddings. The answer is “yes.” Another thoughtful question has to do with pre-marital counseling, which I would always recommend but do not require.

But the question I love the most is this: ”We saw you at such-n-such wedding and we want you. Are you available on . . . ?”

Sara & Scott Brow

The reciting of vows seems to open the floodgates for some brides and grooms. I have seen brawny but choked-up grooms struggle mightily to recite their vows. I have seen fathers succumb to the reality of “giving their daughter’s hand in marriage.“ I have see mothers of the bride and groom dabbing their eyes, as well as audience members who are especially moved by the occasion. I have observed bridesmaids passing tissues to each other. Half-jokingly and half-seriously, I tell people I don’t feel like I’m doing my job unless I see some tears.

However, after working as a wedding minister all this time, the most moving and emotional experience for me personally did not even occur at a wedding. I was visiting with a bride at Starbucks when she started expressing her grief over the recent loss her grandmother. When she mentioned that her “Nanny” would not be with her on her wedding day, quietly, her tears began to flow, along with fond memories. I listened for the next 6-8 minutes, maybe ten, and occasionally offered a few words of comfort but, emotionally, I was traveling back in time to my own maternal grandmother. Growing up, “Gan Gan” was my rock, the one in whom I found strength. 

My father was a good man, whom I eventually learned to love dearly, but he was off base when it came to “spare the rod, spoil the child.” He used to flail the daylights out of me with a belt or switch, just as I suspect his father did to him. Unbeknownst to me, my grandmother pulled him aside one time and told him: “If I ever see you beat that boy like that again, you will not be welcome in my home.” I felt safe at her house and with her. She was a stalwart of both the church and community. Her lawn was the “arboretum” of our hometown. Well into her 80′s, she moved into a small apartment, where an intruder broke in and severely beat her—all for a whopping $25. When I saw her in the hospital, I could not recognize her. The whole community was outraged.  . . . This tender-hearted bride caused my thoughts and emotions to race back to the warmth and security of my own tender-hearted grandmother.

Grandmothers are incredibly precious people, as are grandfathers, I’m sure, but both of my grandfathers died before I was born. They play an amazing role in the lives of their impressionable, young grandchildren. My guess is that God gives us grandmothers so we will know angels when we see them.  As a DFW Wedding Minister who loves my job of creating moving moments for my bride and grooms, I am ever mindful of your feelings.  Contact me if you would like to have a wedding “from the heart.”

In my observation, wedding officiants generally fall into three or four categories in the way they perform weddings. First, you have Soothing Sam, who oozes with a syrupy style of delivery in which, I suppose, he hopes to engage the audience with his sincerity and smooth speaking style. When everyone leaves, they go away in a kind of semi-sedated, tranquilized state.

Then you have Happy Hal, whose smile seems almost omnipresent (everywhere present). A smile is a real gift when it comes to calming a nervous Bride or Groom and setting the tone for the wedding but I sometimes wonder if it is a bit overdone. Not everything in wedding ceremony lends itself to being said with a smile. Everyone may leave feeling uplifted and with a smile on their faces, which is fine, but have they grasped the gravity of the occasion?

You also have Business Bob, whose whole style smacks of seriousness or even somberness. Certainly, a wedding ceremony is a serious occasion but you don’t want people walking away wishing the guy could “lighten up.”

What I personally try to do is a combination of all of the above. As a professional communicator, I attempt to match my demeanor and voice inflections to the words I am saying. I have a lot of musical training. Sometimes, I build things up to a climactic point (crescendo) or say things smoothly (legato). At times, I emphasize certain words to make a point (accent) or allow thoughts to “soak in” with a few seconds of total silence. I say some things softly (pianissamo) and other things intensely (forte). My style of delivery is rooted in my musical background such that, when it’s all said and done, I want everyone to sense that I have delivered ”substance from the heart.”

The fact that I now perform three different ceremonies by memory was the outgrowth of trying resolve this dilemma. It was more of a by-product rather than an objective and, since it took six years to complete, you have proof that I was not gifted with a natural-born ability to memorize. It took hundreds of weddings and hundreds and hundreds of hours of preparation to make it happen. Was it worth it? You be the judge.

As for me, it gives me a great sense of achievement. Down through time, the most gifted orators have delivered their sermons or speeches without relying on notes. And this is what I wanted to accomplish, not build a vast organization or wedding empire but, rather, learn how to communicate the spoken word powerfully in front of a crowd and the written word effectively in front of a computer screen. (I do freelance writing/editing.)

The feedback I now receive stands in stark contrast to the terror I used to feel when standing in front of crowds—dry mouth and quivering knees. One of my biggest moments of personal satisfaction came when a mother-of-the-bride told me: “You should have heard what the groomsmen were saying about your ceremony.”

All of this to say that I want to do an outstanding job for the Brides and Grooms that come my way—not in the sense of “stealing the show” because we all know the Bride is the center of attention. But I want to do a good job for her and her Groom, as well as for members of the audience who may need a fresh breath of encouragement about their own marriages—maybe even a word of guidance for those who seek to be married in the future.